My Story – Susan Chee

I lived a blessed life although I’m a widow. I got to know Jesus during my school days but only got baptized a year before my husband’s death. I lost my husband during the SilkAir crash when my 3 children were 5, 4, and 1 in ages.

I’m sure some of you can empathize with me; it was tough, full of bitterness, many questions and didn’t feel blessed at that point of time. On looking back, I realize God has always been with me, lifting me up, comforting me, healing me and providing me in all my needs. He never did leave me, He was always there ministering to me. Even at the crash site, I’ll never forget the wonderful feeling, overwhelming of peace and a sizzling warmth that enveloped me upon setting foot at the crash site. He even put a song in my heart “Heaven is a wonderful place filled with Glory and Grace. I want to see my Savior’s face…

I sang it there and then at the Musi River loudly, didn’t care what others thought of me. I want to share Jesus with you, He is a living God.

It has been a heart-wrenching experience but God was always comforting me. One day, Lou Ee my eldest who was 6 years old found me crying in the living room and he said :”Mom, why are you crying? The Lord did not give us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind”. My jaw dropped. It sounded familiar and I managed to find the verse in the Bible, 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind”. It amazes me because we weren’t a Bible-literate family. Such encouragement!

I guess I took a long time to grieve, maybe because there was not any body found and it took some time to come to terms on the death. I would also imagine I might find my husband one day located in some deep dark forest of Indonesia.

God has always been a God of Providence for me and my 3 children. I want to share this with you because as widows, we are easily worried about our income. I panicked, went back to work full time. I asked for a job and God gave me. One night, I reached home at 8:30pm and realized I had forgotten to fetch my P1 son home! It was a tough decision to resign especially when my company had retrenched 40 staff and I was selected to stay with a promotion and higher pay. But in my circumstances, I felt my children had to come first. I quit the job and prayed for 3 days asking the Lord for directions. I told Him I don’t want to worry anymore and asked Him to provide.

On the 4th day, I drove to the market, parked my car, opened the door and heard a “plonk” sound in front of my feet. It was a loaf of bread (Gardenia) that had fallen off from a delivery van. I shouted to the driver but it took off. I took it home and told my 5 years old daughter that God gave us bread. Then I drove to a friend’s house in Tampines because she wanted me to help her with some private tuition. I parked the car, stepped out and saw a cluster of shinny coins at my feet. I looked up and told the Lord in jest “This is not sufficient Lord”. Realizing that I’ve parked in the wrong car park I walked across to another car park and guess what? I found another cluster of shinny coins on the ground in front of me! The feeling was awesome. For me it wasn’t a coincidence. I knew God was telling me that He would take care of me and my family if only I trust Him.

God’s miracles never cease to happen in my life, even small ones like hamsters. My daughter Tam Mei was asking for a hamster for her 7th birthday and I was not keen. I told her “Hamsters are not cheap, it’s about $12, so let’s pray and see how”. On her birthday morning, the phone rang at 8am and Jean, one of my tuition kids mom asked “Do you want 14 hamsters?” Praise God, yes we want them! I serve a Living God; He knows my needs, even the very small ones. He loves the fatherless (my children). How can I deny all these encounters with the Living God in my life? How can I be “stingy “and not share them to Glorify God, especially with my precious sisters here whom God loves so much.

God has helped me to be less “kan cheong”, less angry, more patient with others. Being a widow also makes me realize that God is sovereign, means He’s in control and I’m not in control. Just like the time when I discovered a lump in my breast and had to go for a biopsy. I went through another self-pitying and confrontation with God – Why me? My children are still very young, they’ve only 1 parent, why me?

The minute I surrender and released the situation to Him, I had a great sense of peace in my heart just before I was pushed into the operating theater. Psalm 91:7 said “A thousand may fall at your side, and 10 thousand at your right hand; but it should not come near you”. The verse assured me then and still does whenever I need confidence.

God has great plans for me. Although such an unthinkable tragedy happened to me and my children, I know I’ve got God to lean on.

Very boldly I dare to say if I’ve not gone through this tragedy, I would remain a “tai-tai” missing out on God’s Blessings.

I pray that you will find God whom you can depend on too. If He can do all these for me, He can do it for you too!

This is my story. I hope it encourages you.